Diane Valcourt Is An Arlington Lady, Through And Through

At Arlington National Cemetery, a team of service members hold an American flag, folding the fabric 13 times, corner to corner, forming a tightly bundled triangle. A bugle plays the final notes of “Taps” while rifles fire off a three-volley salute. Gun smoke slowly dissipates as a figure steps forward to face a row of white headstones. She kneels down, offering one hand to a tearful widow, the other to her surviving son. Moments pass before she reaches for a handwritten letter, pressing the envelope firmly into the mother’s palm. Leaning forward, she whispers, “The service of your loved one is greatly appreciated. It will never be forgotten.”

For over 20 years, that woman was Diane Valcourt.

A tried-and-true member of the volunteer organization known as the Arlington Ladies, Diane has spent more than two decades paying respects to the fallen soldiers of our nation’s Air Force, Army, Navy, and Coast Guard, attending as many as eight funeral services a day to ensure all airmen, soldiers, sailors, and guardsmen have someone by their side as they’re laid to rest. Even when family members do come to honor their loved ones in person, an Arlington Lady is always on hand to provide some much-needed comfort and support. 

"The service itself is very regimented, very military, very strict, very somber," she says. "But I feel like an Arlington Lady gives families a moment of compassion, a moment of softness."

That softness is arguably one of Valcourt’s most endearing qualities. It’s also the motivation behind her selflessness, not just to our military service members, but to family, friends and community, too.
“When you’re in the military, you serve,” she says. “And even though I was never asked to raise my right hand and swear allegiance to this country, in my heart I did. That’s just what military spouses do.”

At 20 years old, Diane married Dave Valcourt, at the time an active-duty officer in the U.S. Army. Being shy, she would force herself to engage with other military spouses stationed nearby, building confidence little by little. She grew close with the wife of Dave’s first commander, who eventually became somewhat of a surrogate mother. She not only taught her the essential roles of a military spouse, she also inspired the kind of quiet leadership Valcourt exudes today. 

“I learned everything from her,” she says. “Civilians don’t really understand what the military family is like. We have similar experiences — good times and sad times. We know what it feels like to say goodbye, and we know what it means to be thankful to say hello.” 

Under that mentorship, Valcourt was able to discover her true purpose, a unique strength that would later inspire her mission as an Arlington Lady. 

“I’m a caregiver. I was always very aware of others, and I always knew what was needed,” she says. “I’m the oldest of eight kids, and I took care of all my brothers and sisters growing up. For me, that’s who I am.”

A nurturing presence among fellow military families, Valcourt practiced the philosophy of paying it forward, passing on all her wisdom to any newcomer. “I’m a leader who likes to follow,” she says. 

It’s this kind of mindset that’s made Diane Valcourt the picture-perfect representation of what an Arlington Lady is and should be.

The Arlington Ladies first began as a conversation among military wives at the kitchen table, where most great ideas form. Gladys Vandenberg, wife of U.S. Air Force chief of staff Hoyt Vandenberg, mentioned she’d witnessed a funeral where no family members were present to honor the fallen airman. Considering this unacceptable, she formed a group of fellow Air Force wives who would volunteer as stand-ins for those loved ones unable to attend, since no soldier should be buried alone. 

What started as a roundtable chat among friends soon developed into an official program under the purview of the chief of staff of the U.S. Army. Complete with a dress code and strict protocol, the Arlington Ladies appear as an official part of all military funerals taking place at Arlington National Cemetery, even to this day. 

How can one become an Arlington Lady? Well, you can’t buy your way in, and there’s no application, per se. Instead, one’s service is what allows the opportunity. An Arlington Lady volunteer must be invited to the group and vetted by members already in the fold. When Valcourt was first asked to join the group 25 years ago, she was in the middle of a big move, so she had to turn down the initial offer. Several years later another invitation came her way, and she jumped at the chance to join.

Valcourt performed Arlington Lady duties on the third Wednesday of every month, sometimes appearing at four services a day, sometimes more. But every time she’d craft a handwritten note for the fallen soldier’s family, expressing equal parts appreciation and compassion. 

Now settled in Brewster, Diane lives a little too far to keep a permanent post, though she does return occasionally to visit friends. Recently, she requested to serve at the funeral of her husband Dave’s West Point sponsor, a man the couple has known for nearly 50 years.

"Once you're an Arlington Lady, you're always an Arlington Lady,” she says. 

These days her focus lies closer to home: three children, six grandchildren scattered across a handful of states, and of course, Dave. There’s golf, too. Diane’s the president of the ladies' 18-hole association at The Captains Golf Course, a group some 60-women strong. 

“I’d do it all again in a heartbeat,” she says. But for now, she’s more than happy spending quality time with her family here on Cape Cod.